i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
