Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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