I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
