Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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