a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
