This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
