Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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