I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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