i love accidental penises.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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