sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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