please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
