It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
