An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Come share oat with me in your robe
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
