I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
