If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
