Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
