Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
