it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
