I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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