Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
