So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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