Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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