oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
