Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
