Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
