Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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