this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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