Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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