How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
