Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
