when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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