Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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