Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
