In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
