i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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