There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
