just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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