margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
