I hate your face
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My vagina just recognized that song.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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