unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
