This girl is more easily done than said...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am naked and annoyed.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
