update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
