Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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