Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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