he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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