My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
