She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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