I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
