I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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