I think i peed on brittanys purse
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize