just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
