You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think I sprained my soul last night
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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