from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I want a musical about memes.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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