i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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