good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
