im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Say something about gay babies.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
