It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
