You're a womanizer and a bitch.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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