after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
