shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
