i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
