Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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