He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
