Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
