I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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