what if every blade of grass was a penis?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm at about main and main street
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
