HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
