Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
