did you get engaged???
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
