During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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